Very well, I will train the Houston Texans – Texas Monthly

No organization in professional sports has been as confusing or dysfunctional as the NFL Houston Texans in the last two years. After spending most of 2010 as a permanent playoff contender, with six appearances after the season in ten years, things started to wonder. They started to lose, to number one, and then fired former head coach Bill O’Brien four weeks into the 2020 season. The team’s brightest star, quarterback Deshaun Watson, has refused to play – and has become non-tradable after being subject to more than 20 allegations of sexual assault and harassment. The long-standing face of JJ Watt’s franchise has been truncated – it’s not an unusual move for an aging star in a troubled team, but it’s a mess for fans looking for any reason to keep cheering. And the power structure of the organization became more and more bizarre, sports chaplain Jack Easterby rose to the top of the organization table in a move that was easier to compare to Game of Thrones than in any other situation in contemporary American sport. (Easterby is Littlefinger, according to Sports Illustrated.)

This combination of circumstances made the work of Texans after the 2020 season one of the least desirable for NFL coaches; Eventually, the then 65-year-old first head coach, David Culley, who never served as an offensive or defensive NFL coordinator, finished the job. And now, after a single season – one in which the Texans have won four games, which corresponds to their total of 2020, and this time without Watson – Culley has been fired.

Why? Who can say! He certainly did not perform worse, given that the expectations of the Texans were as low as possible. Winning four matches with an exhaustive roster, dysfunctional management and a quarterback combination of teammate Tyrod Taylor and rookie of the third round Davis Mills is quite impressive! And yet: Culley is gone and the Texans need a head coach. Given that Tom Landry himself would be lucky enough to do better with this team than Culley, the shooting makes the Texans equal. less desirable destination in the coaching market than last year.

Who wants to pour their heart and soul into becoming a capable NFL starter, Davis Friggin ‘Mills, win two of the last four games, be as successful as might be expected, and still end up without a job after just a year?

Me! I’ll do it.

Someone will have to coach the Houston Texans and elsewhere in the league there are opportunities to lead the Chicago Bears, Denver Broncos, Jacksonville Jaguars, Miami Dolphins, Minnesota Vikings, New York Giants and – potentially – Las Vegas Raiders. Will they choose the hottest Houston coaching business names before any of these jobs? Unlikely. that I would? I bet! Sure, I have no experience as a coordinator on either side of the ball, but neither the last head coach of Houston, and I think I would have fun playing a leadership role in a major professional sports franchise!

Here’s my case: I’m watching many football. Sometimes I find out what minute strategic adjustment Tony Romo is going to explain on CBS before he even does. I married a Madden NFL franchise for twenty seasons (I don’t know if you noticed, but a pandemic broke out) and won several Super Bowls. As I reconsider my life priorities, I decided I was open to becoming a smiling yes-man for the right opportunity, which I believe would be useful if I were a Texasan coach. Like Easterby, I have literally no football history, but I only see it as an advantage: the executive vice president of a team’s football operations should have no reason to consider me a threat. This franchise just needs someone who is willing to accept probably the worst job in sports, and at this point in my life, I am ready to accept this burden.

Why do I want the job? There are a few reasons: First of all, I love sports, but I can’t imagine spending the incredibly long hours that the most successful coaches spend year after year – with Texans, I will be a very short-term hire, doomed to failure, just a scapegoat that can make it easier to find coaching in by 2023 by allowing my potential deputies to improve their biographies by rebuilding Texans after the catastrophic era of Solomon! After he fires me, I’ll be able to enjoy a calmer pace of life. Secondly, the last few years have been very strange and training Texans would be exciting to say the least. Finally, I’d love to earn an NFL head coach salary.

Texans are not the first sports franchise from Houston to get stuck in mud in recent years. The Astros, just two years ago, were a huge question mark who only managed to break out of their slump by hiring one of the most respected veterans in the sport and changing the culture of the organization. I’m not saying I can be Dusty Baker – as a character for Texans – I certainly can’t! But if I may be so brave, I believe I could be exactly the worst-case scenario that will ultimately force anyone who actually leads the Texans – be it Easterby, owner Cal McNair, general manager Nick Caserio, or the equivalent of Jon. Snow – Do everything you need to find the right head coach. In this way, I volunteer to save the Texans franchise and lead the organization to redemption.

Houston, you’re welcome.

David Berry

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